On the lighter side of things

[grunt0311]

I don't know how true this is about other services, but I found this today, and it made me smile at how true this is. Also, surprised me as to the fact that others think like I do. I take no credit for it, but here it is:

Things wrong with the USMC...

Reason 172

Meals ready to eat - these are disgusting, spam like processed meals that can stay good up to 7 years mmmm and come in a variety of 24 different meals.

Reason 1,222

Weapons maintenance - in the Marines we are made to clean out guns more then we get to shoot them. Shooting them becomes an inconvenience because we know were just gonna have to clean the friggin thing for 2 hours when were done.

Reason 100

Loss of Education - I may have gained a bunch of useless information of guns, wars, cleaning and Marines attraction to fat chicks, but i've lost basic spelling, vocabulary ,math ... etc;

Reason 1,037

The cafeteria - In the Marines this is called a "chow Hall" to you it's a place where you check out Hot chicks. If im lucky enough to eat at the cafeteria I have to worry about getting yelled at for putting my hat on the table.

Reason 666

Yelling - this is how we correct mistakes, try it next time your friend doesn't water up the bubbler before you smoke. Turn to him and scream What the f*k is your major malfunction? you stupid piece of sh!t ? Then be like AHHH

Reason 997

Healthcare - My healthcare is socialazed, and my docs probably were in your first aid class. So next time you have malaria suck it the f*k up and drink water.

Reason 28

Dumb Haircuts - Someone in charge believes this shows discipline. I think it makes me look stupid. I hate having to cut my hair everyweek to look like a member of the 3rd Reich

Reason 212

No hot chicks, wait there's no chicks for that matter of fact. Nothing beats being a 21 year old and not seeing girls for months at a time. So much fun

Reason 100

The Few the Proud - This is a joke. The slogan should be " are you dumb enough to give away 4 years of your youth ??" Anyone can join and make it through the Marines no matter how out of shape or how many times you failed the entry test.

Reason 793

Vocabulary - PT ? Deck ? Cover ? scuttlebut ? 1400 ? Rack? Why can't we call them what they really are. Working out, Floor, Hat, rumors, 2 pm, Bed.

Reason 1

1st amendment - You think I have freedom of speech ? haha yeah right

Reason 324

Libo Brief - We call getting off for the weeked Libo ( another f-ed up vocab word ) Before we get off we all huddle around in "school circle" and some old man talks to us telling us not to drink and drive, the dangers of drugs and STD's .this normally lasts around an hour as he repeats himself 3 or 4 times. Is this the Marine Corps or my 8th grade Health class??

Reason 43

Rules and regulations - I believe rules are neccessary to police an organization, but it's bad when the rules you are made to follow werethe same reasons given at the UN conference on Saddam Husseins human rights infractions. You may not walk and chew gum, smoke, talk on the cell phone, drink a soda, or eat. No driving and talking on the cell phone. No backwards hats.

Reason 3

15 hour days - Start work at 5 friggin AM accomplish nothing , then at 3 pm were rushed to do about 20 different things we could have been doing all day. get off work at 8. Think about how much you hate your life, then repeat next day.

Reason 609

4 year contract - I cannot quit. It seemed like 4 years wasn't going to be enough time to do and see all the fun adventerous stuff my recruiter told me about. Then I realized none of it was true. Well if I up and leave that's a felony offense. what a dilemma. Only 2 years and my sentence is up

Reason 2,102

My recruiter - This guy is good, If he was working at a used car lot, and I just stopped by to ask for directions I would have traded my Lexus for a cavalier. Thankfully he only took me for 4 years of my precious youth.

Reason 318

Compulsive liars- Most every Marine you meet was the coolest kid in High school. All Prom Kings , All State wrestlers, and D1 college football players. Who drove their own corvette, while they were dating Paris Hilton. I just have a hard time believing that when they throw like a girl, want to borrow 5 dollars and the only picture of a girl they have is their sister.

Reason 25

Reville (waking up) - If waking up at 5 30 in the the morning wasn't bad enough, Try having it be done by a blarring trumpet. I guess it's better than a loudspeaker that says " No it's not time to wake up , but get up anyways for you are property and you will do what we say you mindless drones"

Reason 784

The Upside down trash can - Again im not kidding, they really do turn the trash can upside down on thursday nights so it'll be clean for Friday morning inspection. What the hell is a matter with putting trash in a trash can ????

Reason 1,647

Hurry up and wait - This is when we are rushed to do tasks that we have more than the alloted time to accomplish. Like hurrying up to wait for the buses that aren't scheduled to arrive for another 5 hours. Why do you want me to move fast so i can go sit over there ? you know i could walk to thee store, sit down eat , come back and still be waiting around for like 4 hours.

Reason 557

15 minutes prior- although not a set in stone scipture of the facist doctrine of Marine Corps Formations. Being 15 minutes early to the given start time is a strict guideline. Being only 5 minutes early will get you yelled at for being 10 minutes late. If you say 11 ill be there at 11 how does that sound ???

Reason 345

Mass Punishment - Yes, he messed up , I however did not. Neither did the other seven people behind him. This logic that if you are in the vicinity you are partially responsible is retarded. Should we start arresting people who were drawing out money at a Bank during a robbery. Or arrest the teller because he/she did nothing to stop it. So how much sense does it make to punish 2 guys who were in a speeding car though not driving it? Again Yes that actually happened. WHERE ? the MARINE CORPS

Reason 2,110

Standing by- There's nothing going on so we are told to go wait in our rooms and not go anywhere. Until something is going on. Well this sometimes last hours. I however enjoy standing by because I got an XBox 360 in my room that i can play forever.

Reason 76

Working on the weekends- The weekend generally a time to let loose and relax. On deployments you are supposedly constantly working. What is cruel is to take away some of the last weekends just so Marines won't get in trouble before deploying.

Reason 1,893

Junk on the Bunk - An inspection of gear that has to be layed out in a manner symetrical to everyone elses , just so some guy can come take a look at it and ask you where you are from. Wow that was easy and incredibly pointless.

Reason 701

Safety Standown - What could make my day better than listening to some guy insult my intellegence about safety. A refresher course if you will from when officer Bob came and talked to your Kindergarden class abotu dialing "911" in emergencies and how the current in the ocean is dangerous.

Reason 21

3rd world countries - So i discovered that war wasn't as cool as it looks in the movies. I really don't care about people who would stab us in the back just as quick as wave. Unfortunately I have to sit in these foul smelling backwards lands and dodge rockets.

Reason 1,340

Standing guard - Yes guarding the base is essential. This doesn't mean I enjoy it. Have you tried starring at a field for 6 hours, freezing cold from midnight to 6 am thinking about what all your friends in college are doing ??? probably your ex girlfriend hahaha !! wait that's not funny .

Reason 1,563

the inner circle - These are people who thrive on power or were complete nobodys in high school. They eat sleep and circle jerk marine corps. For lunch they sit around and discuss Marine Corps related things. They make the mistake of thinking other people care. This is the equal to the band geeks sitting around discussing who and who can't come to the after concerto banquet.

Reason 344

The Field - This is going out into " nature " if you will to train or sit around waiting for bad guys. Once a utopia of motivation. Then I had to go a few more times and then a few more times. After a while I realized I was cold, dirty, wet and sick of eating meals ready to eat ( MRE's)

Reason 71

" If you don't like it then leave " - This is a normal response I get from motivated people who like the Marine Corps when I complain about something. This guy is giving you a great option. To quit. Something 95 % of the Marine Corps would do if they actually COULD. sadly just leaving will get you a warrant , thrown in jail and a Dishonorable discharge. Telling someone to leave if they don't like it makes as much sense as saying "you don't like waiting in line at Subway why don't you kill yourself ??"

Reason 3

Underage drinking - so you go off to war get shot at lose friends and then come back but you still cannot legally drink because you aren't 21. The government still hasn't done anything about this one !!

Reason 1,327

Relationships- Distance makes the heart grow fonder, until you come back after 11 months and realize distance made the b!tch move on. And if she didn't move on she cheated on your as$ whether you know it or not. Don't mug yourself bro.

Reason 210

Field Day inspection - this is when we spend all Thursday cleaning our rooms for a friday morning inspection. Most Marines are filthy so there is nothing wrong with this. .But when a room is considered dirty because it has trash in the trash can, water in the sink , or shampoo bottles still in the shower. Well it's just a f-ed up perception, not a dirty room.

[wukong]

The funniest thing I've read today.

Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in
the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all
the way to Egypt '