Chili Recipe

[SWAMPFOXA1C]

I am looking for good chili recipe. I like the one I use now but I want to try something different, anyone have any suggestions?

[HairyEyeball]

Recipe? One cow, crushed tomatoes to cover, chopped jalapenos and habaneros, one bottle of liquid fire, case of beer, second case to drink while it's cooking, pinch of cilantro, pinch of salt, other seasonings to taste, and one 230 gr. JHP for any clown who tries to put in beans.

[DoubleHelix]

And what exactly is the problem with beans?

Your not sleeping with him

[HairyEyeball]

The phrasing of the question implies serious impairment of the olfactory and auditory functions, as well as loss of sensation in the posterior region (I hope our boil of a 'cadet' digests that as well as earlier posts). If, however, you are referring specifically to any mysogenic liaison between chili and 'beans', remove thyself to the nether reaches of Boston, there to spread ne kulturny heresy among the heathen: In Texas, where the (arguably) 'digestible' version of the dish originated, pinto beans may, on occasion, be offered as a side dish to barbarian visitors, however addomg those damned meskin strawberries to cooking chili is a 'justifiable hanging offense', ranking slightly below horse stealing as 'antisocial' as well as criminal adulteration of comestibles.

Simply stated, chili with beans ain't fit for hog slop, and no hog fed on it is fit eatin' for civilized folk.

[Rabbit]

And while your drinking your beer, add a can or two to the chili recipe(which ever one you shall choose). For some extra kick in the flavor, you could mix some spicy sausage(Jimmy Dean is what I use) into your beef/lamb, or whatever meat you are using. A quick google search gave me some unique chili recipes, you should give that a try.

[HairyEyeball]

...case of beer, second case to drink while it's cooking...

Always helps to read what's already written.

[Rabbit]

Always helps to read what's already written.


And while your drinking your beer, Why, yes it does. Assuming you weren't going to put a CASE of beer in the chili, unless your feeding a large sum of people. Which I don't think is the case since a "pinch of salt" is all you require. No need in wasting a whole case of good beer and ruining a dinner. A can or two would suffice.

No need for a quarrel though. It's just chili.

[CAPSmith]

Why, yes it does. Assuming you weren't going to put a CASE of beer in the chili.

With the recipe calling for one cow, the ratio seems about right...:p

[Rabbit]

With the recipe calling for one cow, the ratio seems about right...:p You mean I have to eat the whole thing? LOL..I pass. How about half the cow, and keep the case of beer? Seriously though, I doubt SwampFox wants to buy a whole cow. Guess I shouldn't squat with my spurs on but we're all entitled that every now and then.

[Billyd]

Guess I shouldn't squat with my spurs on but we're all entitled that every now and then.


Performing said maneuver will most certainly guarentee one gets the point.

I would like to inquire of the Gentleman from Arizona where he acquired a pot big enough for a whole cow. And how big a fire do you need to heat it up?

[HairyEyeball]

The pot was a 'medium' Texas saucepan I picked up at a yard sale, and cutting up the cow tends to reduce the volume appreciably.

The 'beauty' of chili is its adaptability. The meat - beef, pork, lamb, buffalo, even when necessary horse or turkey - along with onion, peppers and tomato are the standard 'base', but how much of what is determined by taste and availability. Some folks won't put cilantro in the same room as their chili, some ladle it in. Some heathens add beans, and some of the truly savage use chicken, mutton, or (file this in the 'why bother' drawer) no meat at all.

My 'normal' pot tends to contain at least two meats, three varieties of 'chili' pepper (including the Chinese, when I can get it), onions, diced tomatoes and tomato paste, and 'what's in the cupboard today'. It's never the same twice running, it's never less than enough for a dozen, and most important, I will never serve chili that has not cooked for a minimum of 24 hours - any less and the flavors have not had adequate opportunity to properly blend.

Oh, and whatever else you do, never eat grey chili.

[txb&b]

Well SwampFox, I don't have a good chili recipe for you; but I do have a chili joke. Enjoy.....


For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

**********

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) - Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

**********

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 - Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 - Keep this out of the reach of children - I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

**********

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 - Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 - A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 - Call the EPA - I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

**********

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 - Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 - Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 - I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look as HOT as this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

**********

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 - Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 - Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

**********

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shat on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

**********

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 - A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 - Ho hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. *I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

**********

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 - The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 - This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it, poor feller. Wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

[SWAMPFOXA1C]

Well this got more responses than I ever thought it would. I love the joke by the way, that is hilarious! So yeah I think I'm just gonna stick to my recipe, and yes it has beans in it, but its not the crappy black beans though!!

[DoubleHelix]

So yeah I think I'm just gonna stick to my recipe, and yes it has beans in it, but its not the crappy black beans though!!

We seem to be a minority around here. Chili without frijoles doesn't fly in my household, unless it's the meat paste they use at Weinerschnitzel.